I Am God

There are times when you learn about someone whose life was just as fucked up as your own (or worse) and there is this strange sense of normalcy that comes over your whole sense of self.  Most of the time, I feel as if I’m living in a different plain from most people, kind of like living with a Star Trek translator widget.  Sometimes it’s like I speak not only a language different from those around me, but like even the sounds that create the voice which makes communication audible is foreign or alien.  There is a desperation that comes over one’s entire being when one senses the chasm between oneself and the rest of the world.  It is not necessarily a bad thing, a little lonely perhaps, not entirely bad.  Mostly, I just figure that the majority of people I encounter are fucked up and haven’t evolved to my level.  Because, of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.  I’m perfectly normal.  It’s those around me that are fucked in the head.  I finally figured out that life is about living and that is all.  There is no grand scheme.  No grandiose sense of responsibility to those around you.  It is just about living.  In the Picture of Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde, wrote that we are meant to be selfish. He stated that our purpose is to be self indulgent and concentrate on experiencing pleasure.  There is a sense of truism in his theory.  I believe that we are meant to enjoy our lives.  I do not; however, believe that this (or any) enjoyment is meant to be derived at the expense of others.   I believe our goal as human beings is firstly and foremost to be genuinely human.  Genuinely human is an ideology which can only be achieved if one first defines what being genuinely human means.  The first question is what it means to be human.  Man is first an animal, second a mammal, thirdly man is spirit.  Spirit is the collective knowledge which is passed down through genetic memory or social, cultural or familiar integration.

I think our “quest” or purpose is to be truly human.

There is great comfort in the knowing that there is no predestined future.  There is; however, consequences.  A future may be predicted simply by close observation of behavior.  There is within each human the “knowledge” of cause and effect.  There is an enormous amount of information hidden within our genetic make up which already knows everything there is to know.  There is thousands of years (if not millions) ingrained inside each and every one of us at the cellular lever.  That “intuition” we get when confronted with a decision or a situation which makes things “feel” right or give us a “gut” feeling is our collective cellular memory giving us a nudge. 

To be continued...